Thursday, June 30, 2005
  New episode up...
This is pretty fun. I'm trying to keep the entries short so that you guys can read them off the screen and it not be a drag, but long enough to be interesting. The plot (such as it is) thickens.
So the guy is going to just automatically kill anyone on the boat? What if they have a radio and can signal for help?
Well he said "I can’t afford for them to stay that way for long." Extra people (even if they aren't part of the group that put him here) would just mean extra complication. I think I'll add that to clarify.

Doesn't necessarilly emply that he'll kill them right off and no doubt he knows at least how to use a radio, though if the masts are gone then wouldn't that include any kind of long distance antennae?
Tweaked it a bit to make it sound like he wasn't just going to go down and whack whomever he found.
Are the "pop culture" references too much?
Is this supposed to be taken seriously? I ask because there's not one shred of real human emotion, i.e. real palpable tension. The glib toughguy monologuing also smacks of adolescent wish-fulfillment drivel.
Seriously? Not really. It's a bit of a lark really.

What I would like ot have happen is for this guy's veneer of toughness to crack eventually or for the reader to find out that the narrator isn't at all who he says he is.

At this point all I can say for certain right now is that it's fun for me to write it and I don't know how deep I want to take it.

If it sounds like "wish fullfillment drivel" or you aren't enjoying it then by all means go to your local library.
The tweaking improved it. What or who will he find on the boat? As far as the lack of tension, that the second anonymous poster mentioned, it is in the form of a diary after all. What is a marooned tough guy going to write in a diary? It is up to the author to use skill in showing the 'crack in the veneer' or whatever. Plus, it is still early in the story. Plenty of time for the skill to show itself.

signed, The first anonymous poster.
You guys know that if you choose the Other radio button (the little circle thingy) you can put your name/handle on it, or you can put it i the body of your comment. I'm just sayin I like ot know who's giving with the critique.

Thanks to the first anonymous poster (and even the second one) for you criticism. I do want to be a better writer than I am. I suppose since I've been writing with any frequency for less than 4 years I'm still in adolescent mode.
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