Don't Be a Phony...
Listened today to a sermon I'd missed (Right-click/Save As
) on Ananias and Sapphira. Hunter boiled it down to "Don't be a phony about your faith." (Okay that's me boiling down what is actually a rather good sermon to seven words.)
Right now I feel like a big phony. I don't have much faith in anything especially not a God that won't answer a simple prayer to get enough sleep with a resounding "Yes!".
I skipped small group last night, because frankly my heart wasn't in it. Alec (our leader and a pretty good man, even if he is too blunt) called me when Leigh showed up alone and said that because I didn't show "Satan won." Go Satan! I had a good time watching Cursed (a rather bad werewolf movie graced by Christina Ricci) and the first part of what ended up being a bad football game.
I want what faith I have to be real even when it's at a low ebb. Thus I vomit up my issues here (making sure to have talked to someone about it irl
first). Should any of you think that my walk is perfect or even near good or that I'm some sort of biblical scholar (not sure why you'd think that based solely on what gets placed in this virtual diary-uh) let me disabuse you of that notion.
I'm a man, pure and simple. I'm moody, occasionally ill tempered, a champ at jumping to conclusions and judging others. I yell at my kids and my wife. I ignore my friends and get mad when I don't hear from them for weeks. I have a lazy streak a mile wide and a jealous bone you wouldn't believe.
I hope desperately (and I'd say pray fervently but I'm no "prayer warrior") that there's a god out there for people like me. But I suppose that if what the atheists say is true then it doesn't really matter. Either way I'm broke down at the side of the road. I'm waiting in the ditch. I either need a tow truck or the will to get of my ass and hitch into town.