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ramblings

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
  Spiritual Gas Tank...
To say that mine has been running on fumes would be an overstatement. That in part explains why this place has gone a bit to pot. That plus trying to write for other folks (which I love) has made writing time dear.

Now I'm not promising anything, by any means. I do plan on getting back in the saddle with my daily ramblings and writing my fiction. Reading about a young lady who is on novel number four and had her movie optioned by Peter Jackson should help me be inspired, not depressed. I just don't feel that my stuff is quite ready for prime time.

Anyway, back on topic. I haven't done any sort of meaningful spiritual things in quite some time. No Bible reading, practically no praying unless I'm with others who are, and I'm not back in choir or leadership training both of which started back this month. I just have no desire and as time passes that is no longer really bothering me. I'm asking myself, "Is this it? Is this how someone falls away?"

And if it is then I guess I'm okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not turning into an atheist by any means. It's just that the way we American Protestants do church doesn't make any sense to me. Most of them seem to be afraid or unwilling to be anything more than either modern Pharisees, or "free spirits" that completely pick and choose (though we all do that to varying degrees) and turn religion into a self-help resource. Add to that the fact that the Bible seems more and more to be a bunch of made up/grossly embellished stories by well meaning men.

Something my wife and I talked about is the fact that she see all of this sort of thing in B&W and I see, at best, shades of gray. Sometimes I wish I had her faith, not that it's perfect or makes her life any easier. It just seems better than the constant roller coaster that I stay on.

I guess I'm just tired of running a race that I can't win. The outcome is already decided so why bother?

Just so you know I'm not depressed or suicidal. I am tired. I am busy. I am stressed. But I don't think there's anything to be worried about in regards to my physical wellbeing.

Any of you ever gone through anything like this? I mean I've had low, loooooooow points in my life. I've even taken antidepressants. That was nothing like this. This feels a lot more like an internal paradigm shift of some sort.

Well anyway that's all for now. More wrandomness coming back at ya soon.
 
Comments:
Heck yeah. When I see the latest mailing from the history book club, I get depressed.
 
I recently had a down, down, down period. I know you said this was not one of those for you, but I just wanted to tell you that I recently had a down, down, down period. It's never happened before or after. But, I just didn't konw if I would snap out of it...well I did. Enough about me, on to you.

Tell me that you have ready "The Case for Christ" and that you either: 1) loved it, 2) hate it, or 3) can't remember what it was about. BUT, don't tell me that you haven't read it because I will kick your ass (not really because you are bigger and I have a pain allergy), but I will give you a strong talking to. So, I await your answer..Have read or have not read???? hmmm?
 
I've read both it and The Case for a Creator. I enjoyed both and both are certainly compelling. Strobel makes good arguments.

The thing is I'm not particularly depressed and I'm not brooding. Just thinking a lot.

RE: Kiccking my ass, feel free to do it verbally. ;-)
 
I'm with you, bro.

Sorry I haven't stopped by since you wrote this...but I understand.

I'm going through a similar period myself. It's made things very...interesting. Also difficult. And frustrating.
 
I know what will make you feel better... writing!

Finish those unfinished tales, like Stranded for instance.
 
That plus my epic fantasy. Damn that siren call of the tv adn sleep. I wish I had your iron resolve. ;-)
 
Been there and doing that myself.

Mine is different in that I keep hearing bad messages in the Bible that were put there by well-meaning, but foolish men. (One of them is me.)

Sometimes it feels easier to believe Betrand Russell than it does Kirkegaard. Soren is the one that said something similar to you in that most so-called Christians are not interested in God, but interested in themselves and the appearance of God. Salguod has the quote on his site.

Soren solved his dilemma by basically saying that despite the madness that is Christianity, he will press on. I get fatalistic that way - not in a depressing way, but simply being honest that I really do not understand. I figure that Soren decided to not let a 'little thing' like major logical difficulties get in his way. :)

Being Arminian, I still struggle with everything set in stone like you mention. Maybe I'm a closet Calvinist after all.

Oddly enough for me, Mark 8:24 keeps me going. I do not believe that anyone could make that up. I can believe that much of the rest of the NT can be embellished or fabricated when I am most frustrated, but I cannot outthink myself out of this one verse.

Augustine had a different verse for him. Others church fathers had different ones as well. At some point, I believe you'll find what you can hold onto. I am ever so slowly trying to learn that the Bible is not about me, or what I am supposed to do or supposed to be. The Bible is about who God is, for all the paradoxes set up in its stories.

Hope that helps in some way, if for no other reason than I feel some of what you feel.
 
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